Developments we expect by the time your favourite Canoeists return to the UK

Nick Clegg to have been squashed under someone's thumb.

The UK to be considering intervening in Syria. Very soon. Any time now.

Predicted that talk of a quintuple dip recession may soon start, potentially causing triple dip recession.

Arsenal to be going through a season of transition.

Wayne Rooney to be considering his future.

Andy Murray to win Wimbledon. (Did we mention we've been away since July?)

The 'name game' to have become an international sport.

80s style moustache and perm combinations to be back in fashion.

Apple just about to unleash the next big thing.

DFS have a sale on.

Bruce Forsyth to have died or been arrested for child abuse.

Petrol prices have gone up.

Roadworks on the M1.

Two novices become internationally famous for canoeing the continent.