This is the sorry tale of Honorúo the Hungarian, the Budapest resident who didn't know when to say no.
There was an Englishman and an Irishman, and, inevitably... A canoe. Well, there were technically two Englishmen but for the benefit of joking traditions we'll say there was an Englishman and an Englishman with an Irish girlfriend, or for short, an Englishman and an Irishman. So there was an Englishman and an Irishman and a canoe.
And, together, they canoed through France. And they canoed through Germany. And they canoed through Austria. And they canoed through Slovakia. And, eventually, they began to canoe through that mecca for canoeing puns, Hungary.
And there they met a Hungarian. And the Englishman and the Irishman said to the Hungarian, in true cockney style, "Mate, if you act as our guide for one day in the ravishing city of Budapest; then, for one day we'll feed your eyes with the sights of the Danube from our canoe." And the Hungarian agreed. Of course.
And they visited a Budapest bar. And they raced a charity 5k - Homorúo liked his running. And they bathed in thermal baths. And they watched an international basketball tournament. And they visited a Budapest castle. And finally the day was done.
And so they all set off in the canoe. Now, read carefully, because this bit is very important for the outcome of the joke. The Englishman and the Irishman just couldn't get their teeth around the language of Hungary. And, on hearing the name Homorúo, the Englishman and the Irishman asked if their new friend could simply be called Hungary for the duration of the day. Thankfully, Hungary agreed. However, in exchange he requested that the boys should be called England and Ireland so that they each had a fair slice of this naming cake.
And so England, Ireland and Hungary started upon the Danube's feast for the eyes. They canoed past trees and talked about global warming. They canoed past churches and they talked about religion. They canoed past a horse and Hungary talked about dinner.
And once the talk of food was on the menu, well, food tends to dominate any menu. In view of the extra weight of Hungary dolloped in the canoe, England and Ireland had decided to eat out that night.
And so England, Ireland and Hungary visited an all-you-can-eat Hungarian restaurant. They ate bean soup with smoked pork. They ate mutton stew. They ate cabbage leaves stuffed with rice and ground pork. At the end of each course the waiter would return and ask if the three young mens' hungers were sated. And, with national pride at steak, they ate more and more.
They ate mushroom and parsley soup seasoned with paprika; they ate roasted duck with apples, quince and marjoram, and they finished off with plum and walnut strudel served with vanilla custard and sprinkled with chocolate dust.
By now England, Ireland and Hungary were well and truly stuffed. In fact, they were each sure that if one more morsel passed their chops then each would be stuck in his plastic chair at the all-you-can-eat restaurant for ever. And then the waiter returned.
And he said, "Are you still hungry?" And, in unison, the Englishman and Irishman smiled. And, together, they repeated the words, "Are you still Hungary?"
And the Hungarian said yes. And with that Hungary was stuck forever. While the Englishman and Irishman left...
Still hungry for adventure.