James has been diagnosed with what is commonly called CTCS, or, to be more precise, Canoed The Continent Syndrome.
James wakes at 5.10 every morning. He has breakfast sitting in the front room in the dark with a head torch strapped to his forehead. Despite his mother's protestations, he always eats cereal and uht milk out of a tin mug.
James spends the morning writing job applications and watching television. He swaps between the two every hour, moving from one end of the sofa to another. At these swapping points James walks into the garden and urinates. He enjoys taking photos of himself working on the sofa in various locations around the house. Every half hour he has a swig of water. After three hours he has a banana.
At lunchtime James makes himself sandwiches. Without fail he uses half a loaf of bread, half a tomato, beetroot, cheese and ham along with a mixture of Nutella and jam for what James likes to call desert sandwiches. James eats on the floor. He makes his sandwiches using a wooden paddle as a chopping board and then eats the sandwiches off of the same paddle. He refuses to use any utensils other than a pen knife.
James spends the afternoon continuing his job applications. Unfortunately he has not had much luck so far. He writes in a curious mix of French, German, Slovak, Hungarian, Serbian, Romanian and Bulgarian which employers struggle to decipher.
James likes to take a break in the afternoon. He sits in the garden and stirs coffee granuals into cold water using the nearest twig that he can find. He enjoys having an apple with his cold black coffee.
In the evening James likes to be in bed before sunset. He must have someone make his dinner for him and he will only eat it out off a tin plate. He then walks around his bedroom looking for a good place to set up camp. It does not take him long to find a flat bit of carpet. He puts up his two man tent and, somewhat disturbingly, is in the habit of laying out two sleeping bags.
James sits in the tent and makes notes as to where he got to with the sofa and other key events in his day. He marks on a map the journey he made on the sofa. Every three days he writes a blog about his experiences. He composes a tweet about his day and instagrams some of the photos he took of himself earlier. He sometimes calls his girlfriend but he does not allow the conversation to go on too long because at 8pm James must go to sleep.
The doctor predicts that James' CTCS syndrome should be over within 160 days or so.