Goat

Now this little tale might be alternative, but I tell no lies. Stuff like this happens out here.

We moor up our canoe, right, we tie it up to some fella's boat, and then we wander into town looking for this camping place. It's got three stars in our brochure, right, so it's got to be pretty decent, a little cafe, wifi and all that, maybe somewhere to do my yoga. In fact, once we find the place I see it's got crazy golf. A little spot where you can pay a couple euros and wack a little white ball around. But we're getting closer right, we're coming up to the campsite and I'm thinking I see a goat. I'm looking in at this crazy golf, or whatever it is, and there's some goat there looking back at me. Its real small for a goat like, but its got horns and stuff and I reckon I know a goat when I see one. Now there's a fence around it, obviously, and the goat's on the other-side; but still, it seems pretty weird to me.

I turn back and look along the fence and, sure enough, in big bold writing it says 'CRAZY GOLF'. Again, I stare through the fence and spot the bloody thing. There's a goat! It's definitely there and now it's literally sitting on top of the mini windmill. Now I've heard of crazy golf, but, come on, not with goats just strutting around. You're talking, putt the ball between the goat's legs and through the windmill... That's some crazy, crazy golf.

It's got to be me who's crazy right? What kind of campsite has crazy goats mini golf? It's not exactly been a short days canoeing and I'm not so quick on the old uptake. I'm thinking, this has got to be me being tired right? This is like a weird little delusion or something. I don't say anything to Nathan, course, because I don't want him catching on to me being one plum short of a fruit-cake. I don't want to look the fool here. I've known friends make goat mistakes before... I had a friend once, dyslexic fella, he went to a toga party dressed as a goat. Now he ended up looking like a tool and we all laughed because noone likes a dyslecsic... They just cant spell or punktuate. Can they

Nathan's not copped on that I'm staring through the fence, so I forget about it quick and head towards the camping. I walk up to this little wooden cabin, right, and I go on in to the bit with a desk and all the brochures laid out, and a computer and stuff. But there's no one there. So I pop my hand down on the bell but instead of a BING I just hear one long BAAAAAA. Now that's not right, I'm thinking, that just not right. I go put my hand on the bell and again there's another loud old goat noise. Now I'm thinking I've got to be going crazy. But before I move this woman comes out right, she's a bit dodgy looking; too much make up and curly black hair like a poodle that's gone out in some serious humidity, but she looks at me straight and starts chatting about camping. Now I'm sure I must be going crazy because walking out with her is another freaking goat! A little black billy goat who's sneaking away in the shadows and that, hiding up against the fridge behind where this woman's standing. She doesn't seem to clock it, right, and I realise that I'm not listening to a word she's saying because I've just been looking at this goat. Now she's there, looking at me and waiting for some answer. I look at her. I look back at the goat. I look at her. I look back at the goat. She looks at me. I wonder how long this silence can go on before it gets awkward.

I go to speak and she chuckles. She's chuckling because I'm looking at the goat right? Seems like it to me, so I feel a little safer. Maybe I'm not so crazy. There's literally a goat with her behind the desk, a goat grazing in the mini golf, another siting on the little windmill, and there she is, happy as Larry chatting to me like I shouldn't be surprised. But she laughed and that, so the goat was definitely there.

I get outside, right, and I sigh because in pretty relieved that I wasn't totally crazy. We drop the bags, I grab the tent and I'm chatting away to Nathan. And I'm saying "Did you see there was a goat in that office!? Did you see the goat behind the woman there?" And Nathan's like, "Yeah, I know, I was laughing. It's so weird."

I'm happy, right, because its confirmed for good. I may be tired, but I'm not crazy. Then I'm putting up the tent and that, and I look across at Nathan who's getting dinner out of the bag. And I'm looking right. And out of the bag he's just pulled a tin of beans, sweetcorn and another big tin that says along the side of it 'RABBIT'. Now I'm thinking, am I going crazy?

Bona fide true story.